Raising Children to be Wise and Pure

The newest viewers of pornography are boys aged 12 through 17.  Something I learned at church today, a statistic used in a message about raising wise children.  Being wise is about following God’s principles.

Two website links I want to share.  If you quit reading after these links, at least you’ll have some significant resources.  The first link goes to the part of a website that enables a child in your life (or you) to hold themselves accountable for viewing porn.  It sends an email to 3 people of their choosing, not necessarily a parent, when they go to a website that contains porn.   http://www.x3watch.com/

The second website is called HomeWord, a valuable resource for parents and youth.  http://www.homeword.com/

I went to church this morning, and as I listened to the service and took notes, I knew I was going home and sharing valuable information instead of finishing my housework or starting on my taxes.  That’s how God has me wired.

In addition to our pastor, today we had a guest speaker, Jim Burns, who is an award-winning author and speaker on Christian parenting and marriages. The focus today was on parenting.  I took some notes to share.  Some of this is not anything new, but it serves as a reminder.  I’ll start with the sex-related portion.


Start teaching sexuality between ages 3 and 5.  This means talking about the difference between boys and girls, girls are able to have babies when they grow up, information that skims the surface.

At age 6 through 9, kids start hearing about sex, they might accidentally see something on the TV .  At this age you want to explain some things before they hear about it from someone else.

Ages 10-14 are significant for talking about relationships and purity, etc.

Pornography, and kids connecting with others inappropriately online, are available if they have access to technology in private.  Do not allow them to keep their cell phone, computer, or anything else with internet access in their bedroom. 

Premarital sex and pornography are just a couple of the challenges we have in this sinful world.  This song by the Casting Crowns is called “Slow Fade”.  I think it addresses sin in general but may sound like it is focused on sexual sin.

General Parenting Notes

– Be consistent with discipline and lifestyle.

– Take the approach that you are raising responsible, God-honoring adults. Think beyond their childhood.

– At age 10, the role of the parents shifts from a control perspective to that of a coach.  At age 15, it shifts again to becoming a consultant.

– Discuss expectations and boundaries before they break the rules.

You can ask your child to come up with the consequences as you discuss these expectations, while they are in a normal state.  (If you break curfew, what do you think your consequence should be?)   Use some sense, of course, if the discipline they determine is not reasonable.

–  Here’s a phrase to remember:

“Rules without a relationship leads to rebellion.”

In other words, if all you do is discipline, and you don’t spend time with your kids doing fun things, talking about what’s going on in their lives, working on your relationship, that’s not good.

Training children to honor God

You are the spiritual leaders.  They are going to spend much less time in church than they are with you.  Model Christ-like behavior.

At the same time, make it a priority to attend church services, and have them participate in groups for children and teens.  Do not allow extracurricular activities to supercede family involvement in church.

There’s a saying, “If the devil can’t make you really bad, he’ll make you really busy”.

Think about this:  When your child is making decisions or going through difficult times, what (who) is going to make the difference? 

 There was more to say.  Check out my church’s website and go to Resources.  For awhile, you can find the audio, video, and message notes under Current Series.  It will then be found under Previous Series, Be Wise.   http://www.metrocommunitychurch.com

 Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NIV)

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Proverbs 22:6 

 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.


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